Congruence occurs when one's perceptions of their real and ideal selves are nearly identical, that is, when one's concept of ideal self is in alignment with one's real self. Congruence promotes a sense of self-worth and a more healthy, productive life.

On the other hand, a person's ideal self may not be consistent with what happens in life and that person's experiences. As a result, a disparity may exist between a person's real self and their ideal self. This is known as incongruence. When there is a significant disparity between one's real self and their ideal self, they experience incongruence, which can lead to maladjustment.

Incongruent experiences with oneself are deemed unpleasant, resulting in feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and distress. The greater the incongruence between the ideal self and the real self, the greater the resulting distress.

Real Self vs. Ideal Self: Examples

The following examples illustrate what happens when one's ideal self and real self are in alignment and what happens when they are not.

Carl Rogers theorized that all people strive for self-actualization and that, in order to do so, they must be in a state of congruence. This means that self-actualization occurs when an individual's "ideal self" [an idealized version of oneself] is congruent with their actual behavior [self-image or actual version of oneself]. In other words, self-actualization occurs when an individual is propelled toward a state of alignment between their real and ideal selves.

As stated, this will in turn create a healthy self-esteem and self-worth, leading to a healthy, productive life.

Rogers defines a fully functioning person as one who is self-actualizing, actively exploring their potential and abilities, and experiencing a match between their real and ideal selves.

The terms "real self" and "ideal self" are used to refer to specific domains of a person's personality. One's self image or who one actually is, is the real self definition, while who one wishes to be is the ideal self definition. When one's perceptions of their real and ideal selves are nearly identical, they are said to be congruent. The degree to which the two selves are compatible is proportional to the degree of mental peace. The more incongruence there is, the greater the anxiety and distress.

Carl Rogers postulated that all people desire self-actualization and that in order to achieve it, they must be in a state of congruence. He proposed that individuals use denial and distortion as coping mechanisms to avoid the anxiety and distress associated with incongruence. This can result in psychosis, a state in which a person's identity is shattered.

In psychology, the real self and the ideal self are terms used to describe personality domains. The real self is who we actually are. It is how we think, how we feel, look, and act. The real self can be seen by others, but because we have no way of truly knowing how others view us, the real self is our self-image.

The ideal self, on the other hand, is how we want to be. It is an idealized image that we have developed over time, based on what we have learned and experienced. The ideal self could include components of what our parents have taught us, what we admire in others, what our society promotes, and what we think is in our best interest.

The Importance Of Alignment

If the way that I am [the real self] is aligned with the way that I want to be [the ideal self], then I will feel a sense of mental well-being or peace of mind. If the way that I am is not aligned with how I want to be, the incongruence, or lack of alignment, will result in mental distress or anxiety. The greater the level of incongruence between the ideal self and real self, the greater the level of resulting distress. Let's take a look at some specific examples:

Example

1: My ideal self-image includes honesty

When my parents ask me why I was late coming home from a night out, and I am honest and tell them that I didn't want to leave the party because I was having such a great time, then despite the ramifications [like being reprimanded], I will feel a sense of mental well-being.

If I am dishonest and tell them that my car wouldn't start, then the misalignment between my real self and ideal self will result in mental distress or anxiety. The fact that I lied results in negative feelings.

Example

2: My ideal self-image includes a strong work ethic

If I attend all of my college classes, read the assignments, study for the exams, and work hard on my term paper, the result will be a grade that is in line with a strong work ethic. I will feel peace of mind regarding the congruence between my ideal self and real self.

I flunk out of a few college courses and I am put on academic probation. If I admit to myself that I did not keep up with the assigned readings, didn't study for exams, and didn't turn in my term papers, then I will feel distress or anxiety as a result of the discrepancy between my actual work ethic and the ideal work ethic that I have generated for myself.