The other day, one of my coworkers said something about how he was feeling or something, I cant remember exactly what. The point is, listening to your coworkers is hard. Thats why, when speaking with your coworkers, the best course of action is to make them feel heard while at the same time ignoring them completely. Here are my favorite ways to do just that.
1. Ask vaguequestions
Come up with six or seven begging questions you can ask at random points without giving away the fact that you havent been listening. Questions like, Tell me more or What do you mean by that? or Why do you think that is? or Who are we really?, will make your coworker delve deeper into the recesses of hismind, leaving you to be with your thoughts about what youre having for dinner tonight.
2. Create a distraction
If your coworker wants to chat with you, its always great to suggest a walking meeting, or to meet somewhere outside of the office. This way theres always something to point out at key moments, whether it be a cool piece of graffiti, homeless person or any shiny object. While hetalks, keep on the lookout for anything that might seem interesting and point it out whenever you feel like you cant take hisyabbering anymore. Then, apologize for getting distracted and ask himto continue. Rinse and repeat.
3. Mention their attitude
Interrupt your coworker with a simple, You seem angry, and quickly follow it up with, Are you ok? If you point out hisoverall attitude, any attitude really, youve instantaneously made himfeel heard, and also sort of exposed. Its the perfect combination. This way hefeels like youre listening on a deeper level than anyone else, even though youre actually spending time in the Twitterverse of your mind.
4. Start with a hard stop
Start every conversation with, I have a hard stop in 3 minutes. For desperate situations, say you have a meeting. If you dont have a meeting, say you have a deadline. If you dont have a deadline then say you have an email you have to finish reading.
5.Overzealously agree
Interject with stronglyagreeable statements, such as, I totally get that, I hear you 110% or I am right there with you, boo. The positive reinforcement will make your coworker feel validated as if you were actually listening. Even better, your coworkers will feel like youre completely on their side even though that would be impossible.
6. Seem confused
Have a painfully confused look on your face throughout the conversation. This will convince your coworkers that youre listening intently, and not actually trying to decide which is worse for you, a margarita or a vodka sour.
7. Be silent
An interesting thing happens when youre totally silent. People tend to feel like they need to fill the silence with more talking, and eventually they end up talking themselves out of whatever they were saying in the first place. Do this long enough and theyll think of you as some all-knowing ever-present tai chi master.
8. Talk about the big picture
Coworkers often want to talk about tiny boring details that could drain the life out of a drain pipe. Questioning their focus on the big picture takes the spotlight off of your inability to listen and back on their ability to keep talking.
9.Attempt to repeat them
Its important to paraphrase what your coworkers say in such a way that youre actually telling them what you want to hear. If they mention problems, turn them into challenges, if they mention complaints, turn them into opportunities, and if they mention their vacation, turn it into a guilt trip. If they point out that you dont seem to be understanding them, suggest a class on effective communication.
10. Avoid eye contact
Never look your coworker in the eye while hes talking. Non-verbal communication specialists say that tilting your head and looking up indicates reflection. Do this while nodding so hellinterpret it as you trying to figure out a solution to hisproblems, and hellbe unable to see your eyes glazing over. Another option is to close your eyes altogether and assure himit helps you listen. If you fall asleep, try not to snore. When hefinishes talking, simply open your eyes again and say, Ill think about that some more. Then walk away feeling refreshed and confident, knowing your coworker really thought you were listening that time.